Dear Arikhana: Monkey in the Middle
December 6, 2015
Dear AriKhana,
Recently, I introduced two of my closest friends to each other because I wanted all of us to hang out together. At first, I was really excited that they became close, but soon they both started hanging out without me and stopped including me in any of their plans. Every time I try to talk to them now, they both exclude me from the conversation and make me feel unwanted. I still want to be friends with them, but I don’t know how. How do you think I should handle this situation?
Sincerely,
Monkey in the Middle
Dear MitM,
I can tell you right now that you are not alone in this situation. I know how hard it is because I have been in this position myself. Sometimes, you may wish that you had never introduced them in the first place. Then, you may feel ashamed for being selfish. Please do not feel this way! It is completely natural to have regrets, but you must remember the benefits of leading them to each other.
Be proud of yourself: you’ve created a friendship! That’s amazing! Although it doesn’t seem like it now, your friends are overjoyed that you did this. Clearly, they are hitting it off. Don’t let this be a bad thing though. Sometimes, people just have very special connections with each other. The first thing you should do is try to tell them how you feel. I am sure they will realize how blind they were to their own behavior and start including you again in no time. If you would rather not wait for this, you can certainly initiate plans with both of them yourself. What better way to ensure that you’re included than by arranging the plans yourself?
There is not a doubt in my mind that your friends love you the same way they always have. In the excitement of becoming very close to each other in a short amount of time, they have probably become distracted. If you are still unconvinced, I advise you to take this opportunity to find a friendship like this of your own. Perhaps that person who you will get along with better than anyone else is still out there looking for you too. Begin to form plans with other friend groups so that you are not dwelling on your friends’ new friendship or enjoy some time to yourself! Either option is great, I know that if you keep a positive attitude and an open mind in this situation, you will be happy! Keep your head up, Monkey.
All the best,
Ariana
Dear MITM,
I know it must be difficult for you to have two people who are close to you start to exclude you from their lives. I think the first step to this is confronting them about how you feel and that you believe it’s unfair to you to be doing that. You also have to know that if they are really your friends, they’ll understand that what they’re doing is wrong. If they continue to ignore you after you’ve told them how you felt then it’s their loss, not yours. Just keep doing you and I’m sure they’ll realize what they’re missing out on. It can be hard to watch the people you love hurt you, but not all friendships are meant to last. It’s not worth being hurt over because I’m sure you’ll find better people. I know it hurts right now but you need to know that this pain is temporary and overtime, things may change. They’re both probably just really excited to have met each other and want to spend some time alone, but that doesn’t mean they won’t be friends with you anymore. I would say not to stress over it too much and tell them how you feel. Just go with the flow and see what happens!
Sincerely,
Khan
