Greetings, and welcome back to October Horror Fest! Guys, I KNOW that Comic Con absolutely cooked the schedule and movies for the past two days, but I am officially back on track! Although this article may be posted a bit late (it is very late at night right now), I have watched a full movie, and I’m so excited to write all about it! Thank you all for sticking with me through Comic Con, and get ready dear readers! Without further ado, sit back, relax, grab some Candy and Popcorn, and let’s review…
Heart Eyes
Our tale begins with an absolutely INCREDIBLE opening scene, as we see the Heart Eyes Killer (also known as H.E.K, which we will be referring to him as for the rest of the review), horrifically murder a couple in a vineyard. The couple are newlyweds, but are very self-centered and shallow, and redo their proposal several times over. The cameraman that they have hired to film their proposal is on a hill, until a knife goes THROUGH his camera and through his face, killing him. (This kill was absolutely awesome and really set this movie off on the right foot.) The husband gets an ARROW through the forehead (H.E.K’s weapons are also awesome), and he goes down. This leaves the wife remaining, and she books it. During this opening scene, she begins to fight back against the Heart Eyes Killer, until she takes refuge inside of a liquid silo. The Heart Eyes Killer fiddles with buttons on the adjacent panel, and the two sides of the silo begin to converge, CRUSHING the young wife. We hit our title card soon after, with a Scream level opening scene already under our belts.
After the credits, we are presented with a compilation of news announcements about the Heart Eyes Killer, and how he has seemingly made his way to Seattle, the city where our story takes place. It’s Valentine’s day, and similar to Thanksgiving from last year, this entire movie revolves around the holiday. We meet Ally, our main girl and first protagonist. She’s with her friend Monica in a coffee shop, where she meets Jay, our second protagonist. Ally uses her metal straw that she always carries with her to drink her coffee (funny detail). The duo are INSTANTLY cute (this movie may not be the scariest but has INCREDIBLE character writing), and order the same coffee accidentally. With the two of them accidentally butting heads so much that Jay ends up getting a bloody nose, Ally runs away in embarrassment.
Ally and Monica arrive at Crystal Cane Jewelry, named after Crystal, who just so happens to be Ally and Monica’s boss. At a meeting, a commercial that Ally worked on (she’s a pitch designer) is played, which shows a commercial about death in love, and how doomed couples (Romeo and Juliet, Jack and Rose) always die at the end. Now, the commercial ITSELF actually looks good, but there is a real killer who kills people on Valentine’s day going around, and ALSO, Ally just broke up with her boyfriend Colin (who IMMEDIANTLY moved on from Ally so she’s very jealous), so there’s some resentment in the commercial. Ally is pretty obviously mocked for the commercial, and Crystal says her job may be in jeopardy unless she gets an actual good pitch. She begins hyping up an unknown person who is going to come in and help Ally, and you guessed it, JAY walks in. Having a storied past in the industry, our boy Jay is a consulting advertiser, who is VERY funny, and now has the job of creating an actual good pitch for Valentines jewelry. Back at the scene of the crime in the vineyard, we meet Hobbs and Shaw (yes, like the movie). Shaw is a female detective with her male partner Hobbs, and they discover that the Heart Eyes Killer found a wedding ring with the initials J.S.
Later on that day, Jay encounters Ally, and asks to talk to her. He apologizes for their encounter at the coffee shop that morning, and Ally says the same. Jay asks for Ally to come to dinner with him that night before his flight to his best friend’s wedding the following day, and Ally actually agrees, although very apprehensive, knowing that it is a “work dinner”. At lunch with Monica, Ally expresses her frustration with Colin, as we find out that two more couples have been axed by Heart Eyes at a local spa. Ally reveals that Jay asked her to dinner, and Monica IMMEDIATELY gets her to go shopping together for a new outfit, and they find one. Ally looks really really nice, and is ready for dinner. Ally gets to dinner, just to see that Jay is late. The place is VERY romantic and fancy, but she is staunch on getting work done and finding out the perfect pitch for their job. However, music begins to play and Ally’s eyes go wide as our boy Jay walks in, IMPECCABLY dressed with smoothness, swagger, and suave written all over him. Jay begins to try and actually get to know Ally, asking her questions about her parents and all the such. We find that Ally really does NOT believe in love, and finds it incredibly optimistic and unrealistic. Jay, however, is a hopeless romantic, and tries his best to connect with Ally. The two enter into a discussion about love, in which Ally shuts it down immediately for her career and campaign, and hurts Jay’s feelings when he correctly guesses that she had her heart broken recently. Jay stands up and leaves, and Ally follows him outside.
Outside, Colin actually arrives with his new girlfriend. Ally immediately notices this, and KISSES Jay just to try to make him jealous. Jay picks up on her drift, as the couple awkwardly try to pretend they are dating. Colin actually reveals that this was supposed to be a double date with the couple from the winery, but they are obviously very very dead. Our duo enters a cab, as we see a pair of heart eyes watching them from a distance. The two of them arrive at Ally’s apartment, as the cab driver hilariously once again tries to give advice on love to the young “couple”. Ja is having none of it tonight, and is obviously very tired, until he sees Ally forgot her keys and is stuck outside her apartment. Our boy Jay arrives and helps Ally get into her apartment by BREAKING THE WINDOW, slicing his hand in the process (all the while, he is INCREDIBLY nonchalant about this). Once in the apartment building, Ally uses a spare key to get inside of her own apartment, and begins to patch up Jay’s hand. In one of MANY cute moments, Ally reveals she was actually in med school, but dropped out because she couldn’t handle blood. She begins to patch up Jay’s injured hand, as HEART EYES JUMPS OUT OF THE CLOSET. WHAT!?!?!? In a VERY intense scene which had its fair share of comedic moments, our duo runs for their lives, only for Jay to be knocked out after putting up one hell of a fight. Ally runs and runs until she finds an abandoned amusement park (of course), and is actually able to run from Heart Eyes until he knocks her down VERY Scream inspired, and the second before he goes for the kill, the cops arrive.
Our girl Ally lives to fight on, and as she is being tended to by medics, she sees Jay in the back of a COP CAR? That’s right, Jay is being taken in by Hobbs and Shaw under suspicion of being Heart Eyes, as “apparently” he was found with Heart Eyes’s mask and knife. Obviously, we know that our boy was knocked out, so the evidence must have been planted! We cut to the police station, where Jay is giving the most sarcastic performance of his life (this man is so funny I LOVE him and Ally). The police, however, discover that Jay’s initials (Jay Simmons) match the J.S. found on the ring at the vineyard. Jay responds by saying he isn’t married, and says that he figured that Shaw would be (Shaw is interrogating him at this point). Shaw laughs this off, as we cut to the front of the station, as Ally is there begging to get any information on Jay. In the front office with her is officer Fran and IT guy David, who actually seems pretty nice and asks her out to dinner. However, Ally obviously declines due to the fact that she almost got killed that night, and David walks out, apologizing. In the interrogation room, it is revealed that Jay was in the same cities at the same time that Heart Eyes killings took place, a very interesting detail that our boy needs to explain. Shaw keeps interrogating Jay, trying to get him to admit something, until the interrogation is cut off by Ally’s complaining, being classified as “hysterical white woman”. Jay remains chained to the table.
In the front office things are getting creepy, as Ally can SWEAR that Heart Eyes is there hiding. However, she is interrupted as she holds the American flag as a weapon, as Shaw arrives. She asks why Heart Eyes is after Jay, and Ally figures it’s because they kissed, even though they aren’t a couple. Shaw keeps asking questions on how Ally feels about romance and how she feels about Jay, until the lights CUT OUT. Shaw figures it’s because of the breaker, and she goes to fix it. Fran stays with Ally, and Ally is SCARED. However, just like Ally thought, HEART EYES APPEARS, killing Fran by using the pole of the American Flag. He can see in night vision using his mask, as Ally hides from him. However, Ally is able to fight back, and BOOKS it. In the bloodbath in the dark station, Hobbs is killed, and Heart Eyes begins to work his way towards Jay. However, in just the nick of time, Ally frees Jay from his cuffs, shooting at Heart Eyes with Hobb’s gun but MISSING every single shot, however being able to scare him off. Our pair runs outside, and almost kiss one more time, until Heart Eyes appears and begins walking towards them. They run to a drive-in movie theatre (it looks perfect btw, all the shots in this movie are legitimately great), and begin to hide out. They run into a car with two people doing the deed in the back (insert #1 rule of Horror Fest), as they hilariously hide in the front. They actually begin to come clean to each other, and get way closer. Ally reveals that she lied at dinner. Her parents did love each other, and literally had the most fairytale love imaginable, until her father died. Ally’s mom couldn’t handle it after that, and it caused Ally to get her outlook on love.
For Jay, his parents absolutely hated each other when he was young. Because of that, Jay became this hapless romantic, always putting every girl he fell for on a pedestal, only to have his heart broken over and over again. The girls he loved couldn’t handle his “suffocating” attempt to prove his mom and dad wrong. Ally gets even closer, saying that tonight should have been the worst night of her life, but it isn’t. However, after this incredibly sweet scene, the film remembers that it’s a horror movie, and Heart Eyes appears. The two realize that they led him to an “all you can kill buffet”, and Heart Eyes begins his rampage with the couple in the back (Randy’s rule never fails). He impales them BOTH in a crazy kill, as Jay and Ally run. He continues his rampage, until Ally realizes that they can’t run away. They led Heart Eyes here, and they have to end it. The two hold hands, and walk back towards Heart Eyes. They use the weapon that he impaled the couple with, and they KILL Heart Eyes with his own knife in an absolutely crazy final boss moment. HOLY. Blood sprays all over Ally, and because she can’t handle blood (this movie is so funny), Ally throws up all over his body. They unmask Heart Eyes, only to find an absolutely random guy that neither of them have met before. What?
Our “couple” sat in the ambulance together. Jay asks Ally to come back to his apartment with him, to which she says she can’t. (Come on Ally seriously) An injured Shaw arrives on the scene with her car, and offers Jay a ride back to his apartment. He accepts, and leaves Ally at the scene of the murder. Ally arrives home and begins watching movies about love, as she thinks of Jay. It’s then when Monica calls, and she tells Ally that she CANNOT let Jay go. Ally realizes that she is in love with Jay, and that Ally NEEDS to drive to the airport to go get him. Monica says that she deserves love, no matter how imperfect she is, or how imperfect love may be. She WANTS that fairytale love, no matter how wonderful, or crazy, or stupid, or insane. Ally smiles and gets up, and drives straight to the airport. It’s there, however, when she gets an anonymous call. IT’S HEART EYES. He says that Jay is being held at the Saint Valentine Chapel (poetic), and that he will be killed unless Ally comes there and is completely alone with no help. Ally goes out to save her man, and arrives at the chapel in ANOTHER amazing shot. Ally arrives, and Heart Eyes is there holding Jay hostage. He takes off his mask, and it’s DAVID, the IT GUY! Ally obviously doesn’t recognize him, but our plot thickens as Shaw walks out from the shadows, with a monologue on love. David and Shaw are revealed to be a secret married couple, and the J.S. ring was actually Shaw’s initials. The third heart eyes that was killed was their fanboy and lover. Killing is what they LOVE to do as a couple, as insane as and horrific as that is.
It’s revealed that Shaw was the Heart Eyes that attacked Jay and Ally in her apartment, and that David killed their cab driver. David also was the Heart Eyes behind the winery killings. The Heart Eyes killers also say that their first goal was to kill Colin and his girlfriend, until they saw the infamous kiss, which turned Jay and Ally into targets. They then present Ally with a gun, and the choice of shooting herself, or shooting Jay, in an insane test of love. Ally continues opening up, talking to Jay. She says that she was so afraid of love and spent so long running from it, as she thought it would destroy her. However, she doesn’t want to be that person. She wants the storybook love. It was one night, but it changed her life, and she fell for Jay. Jay looks on with the saddest expression, as he begs for Ally not to do it as she puts the gun up to her head. HOWEVER, THIS IS ALLY, she fires at Shaw, hitting Jay’s shoulder but NAILING Shaw’s leg in the process. Ally gets Jay somewhere safe in the meantime, as he asks if she meant what he said. However, Shaw and David walk towards our couple, and the couple v.s. couple fight begins!!!
However, there’s only one couple here with actual love, and that couple is obvious. Jay is able to impale David with his OWN ARROW, and he falls backwards onto the flaming hot candles, their wax burning him alive. Shaw and Ally engage in CRAZY hand to hand combat, as Ally is able to use her trusty metal straw to stab Shaw in the neck, causing her to fall back onto the sword of the statue of Saint Valentine, slowly decapitating her (Saint Valentine died the same way) in an INSANE kill. Ally is COVERED in blood, as she says to the head of Saint Valentine that his day sucks. She walks over to Jay, until DAVID COMES BACK TO LIFE, and starts crawling towards our couple (Randy’s rules, the killer ALWAYS comes back for one last scare). Jay shoots him in the head with his own arrow for good measure, and we fade to black with the mask of Heart Eyes lying on the ground.
We cut to a title card saying “one year later”, as the employees of Crystal Cane celebrate their highest recorded sales ever, as they thank Ally and Jay. It is Ally’s last day, though! She is heading back to Medical School!!! Our couple heads to a drive in movie for a date, and it is the absolute CUTEST thing. Jay says this is where he realized he was in love with her, and pulls our a box. The box holds a key, and Jay asks for her to move in with him. Ally, though, says she doesn’t want that. She says she wants Jay. SHE PULLS OUT A BOX OF HER OWN, with that box holding a ring. Ally proposes to Jay, and our boy obviously says yes. Our new fiances kiss, as the movie begins, and our camera pans up to the sky, The End written in the stars surrounded by a red love heart. You Can’t Rush Love begins to play, as we fade to black…
(There is a very funny mid credits scene where Ally gets a call that sounds like Heart Eyes, until it is revealed to be Monica pranking them. She got the proposal of the couple on camera, and congratulates our new fiances, until Ally (of course) hangs up on her.)
THERE WE HAVE IT! I know this article was a bit late, and I apologize for that! Comic Con momentarily messed me up, but we are back in full force!!! I LOVED Heart Eyes. Although not the scariest, it had SO much good character writing, and I truly cared about every single character, especially Jay and Ally. Thank GOD it wasn’t like Thanksgiving. This movie has crawled up my personal favorites list, and I am so happy that I got to share it with you all. I hope you enjoyed it! And, always remember, beware of Valentines…