Greetings, and welcome back to October Horror Fest! After yesterday’s venture into the inky abyss of Sci-Fi with Alien, I thought that today I’d bring things back to one of if not the most famous horror genre. Join me as we look at a film that combines Action, Comedy, and Horror in a spectacular way. As we venture into this new genre, just make sure that you remember, don’t get bit. Without further ado, sit back, relax, turn off the lights, grab some Candy and Popcorn, and let’s review…

Zombieland

We begin our tale with the flag of the United States, except everything isn’t how it seems. A demented version of the Star Spangled Banner plays in the background as we see the destroyed lawn of the Capitol building, with cars and zombies everywhere. We hear a voice over, welcoming us to The United States of Zombieland. The entire world has been taken over by the zombie apocalypse, and our anonymous host gives his tips on how he survived. He has a list of rules, and they are his lifeline. Rule #1, Cardio. Stay quick on your feet to outrun the dead. Rule #2, and perhaps the most important, the double tap. One more clean headshot after bringing the zombie down. Rule #3, beware of bathrooms! Zombies always know when you’re at your most vulnerable. Rule #4, seat belts. Zombieland is going to be a bumpy ride!

After the start of the movie, we finally meet our narrator. He is in Garland, Texas, and is very, very anxious. He is nerdy, and he is cautious. He survived because he doesn’t have any friends or family, and he plays it safe with his rules. He finds a bathroom, and before entering, he remembers Rule #3, and two zombies burst out of the room. Our narrator runs, playing by Rule #1. He gets to his car, and speeds away. Before he can get very far, however, a zombie appears in the back seat and attacks. The narrator slams into a building, and because of Rule #4, he survives. The zombie flies out, and he double taps it.

The next day, we see the narrator traveling. He is on a bridge, following Rule #7, which is to travel light. Our narrator says that he avoided people like they were zombies before they even were, and now, he misses people. He’s on his way from his college in Texas to Columbus, Ohio, where he hopes his parents are still alive. They weren’t close, but he just wanted to see them. This is where we are introduced to our next main character. Driving on the bridge is a beast of a car, where with the sound of an eagle screeching, Tallahassee appears. He wears redneck gear, and is definitely awesome. He holds a shotgun to the narrator like the Terminator, as our Narrator shakes holding his. The Narrator eventually asks Tallahassee for a ride, and he obliges. Our Narrator asks for his name, and he declines, saying they will get too close. The Narrator says he’s headed to Colubmus, Tallahassee to Tallahassee, and the Narrator wants to ride with him. For this movie, all characters are named by the place where they are headed. Our Narrator is Colubmus, and our next character is Tallahassee. The pair set off, arguing and getting along as best as they could.

We learn that Tallahassee loves twinkies, and his main goal in this post-apocalyptic world, even though he looks and acts like the Terminator, is to find one. They find a Hostess truck. Before the pair go to investigate, Columbus follows Rule #18, and limbers (stretches) up. Tallahassee investigates, only finding sno-balls. This infuriates him, but Columbus grabs a pack or two. The pair then head out again.

Once on the road, Columbus has to have a bathroom break (again) and tells us a bit more about himself. He is terrified of clowns, and was a complete shut in before the apocalypse. The night of the zombie plague, he was inside playing video games, when his attractive neighbor bangs on his door, and Columbus (we know what kind of guy he is at this point) only lets her in because he likes her. She tells him how she was attacked by a homeless man on the street, who we know was a zombie, and falls asleep on Columbus’s shoulder. Columbus tells us that he’s always wanted to brush a girl’s hair over her ear. Once he wakes, she turns completely. After running around his apartment, he is finally able to kill his neighbor turned zombie.

We cut back to Tallahassee and Columbus traveling, becoming closer as they go on, being sarcastic and joking around. The pair then find a grocery store, which Tallahassee investigates, due to his love of Twinkies. He goes wild fighting the zombies inside, using weapons such as a banjo, and a pair of pliers. Yeah, Tallahassee is insane. After unsuccessfully searching for the golden delights, the pair stumble upon a girl. She asks them for help, and runs further into the store. Before following Tallahassee after the girl, Columbus follows Rule #22 and finds an exit plan. Columbus, being Columbus, also immediately falls in love with this girl, saying her hair is in danger of it being brushed behind her ear. Once he follows Tallahassee, he introduces her to the girl, named Wichita, and her sister, Little Rock. Little Rock has been bit, and wants the pair, having guns, to kill her. After a heartbreaking deliberation, Wichita finally decides to be the one to pull the trigger. It’s melancholy, until Witchita turns the gun on Talllahasse, and Little Rock turns Columbus’s gun back on himself. The pair got played, and the girls drove off with Tallahassee’s Cadillac, and all the guns in back. We see the girls in the car, and Little Rock, only being 12, wants to go to an amusement park in California called “Pacific Playland”, apparently being devoid of the dead. Witchita, trying to be a good older sister, goes along with her dream, and begins the trek out west. 

We find Tallahassee and Columbus, now walking through empty streets talking about the Zombie kill of the week. Tallahassee feels that in order to stay sane in Zombieland, you need to blow off steam, and he begins to go wild with a crowbar on a car. After the pitstop, the pair find a huge truck with huge guns, which Tallahassee takes out, and immediately begins to fire into the sky. Tallahassee thanks God for rednecks, much to the embarrassment of Columbus, and the pair set out once again. While in the car, Tallahassee and Columbus talk about their homes. Columbus wants to see his parents. Tallahassee on the other hand, his home is gone. To him, home was a puppy named Buck, who he loved with all his heart. Because of the zombies, he lost him. Since he can’t get him back, he’s looking for a new home. He talks about his car and his guns that he just got, and tells Columbus that he has to enjoy the little things. Columbus writes this down as Rule #32, in a very touching moment.

The pair find the abandoned truck of the girls on the road, and both suspect that it’s a trap. Tallahassee investigates, and finds the truck empty. He then calls Columbus down the road driving the new vehicle, until we find that he was taken hostage by Little Rock, making it Tallahassee’s turn for embarrassment. The pair, now changed to a group of 4, head out on the road. We learn that Wichita has been playing guys for years, and she knows a thing or two about tricks. Back with Columbus, he thanks Wichita and Little Rock for at least not leaving them on the road, when Tallahassee in the back of the car picks up his gun and turns it on Little Rock. Wichita takes out a pistol and aims it at him, and a standoff ensues. Columbus gets heated, begging the group to calm down. They do, and continue the drive to Pacific Playland.

Once everyone calms down, Columbus asks if Wichita has heard anything about Columbus, Ohio. She says that it’s completely burned down, a ghost town. Tallahassee gives her the message, and she apologies to Columbus, now feeling destroyed. He knows his parents are gone. They were all orphans in Zombieland. At night, while Tallahassee and Little Rock sleep, Wichita tells Columbus that she knows that Pacific Playland is crazy. She just wants Little Rock to be a kid. She stops on the side of the road next to a truck, telling Columbus that he can take it. Just before he gets out, he turns back to Wichita, and realizes his truth. Without a home, wherever she goes, he will follow. He gets back in and buckles up. Wichita smiles, and sets out on the road once more. We’re then treated to the pair stopping at a rest stop, where Columbus experiments with cologne for Wichita. He sprays some on Tallahassee after he makes fun of his feelings, and Talllahasee punches him at 45% power, causing him to knock over memorabilia. This causes everyone to do this, and we are witness to a scene of pure chaos and fun of the group enjoying the little things. We are then treated to several nice and fun scenes of the group during the roadtrip, with all the group joking around and having nice talks. For the first time in a long time, they were having fun, and decided to stay together until Pacific Playland. The group enters California, and then enters Los Angeles.

Columbus, being Columbus, wants to find a place to sleep. Since they’re in Hollywood, Tallahassee has an idea to sleep in style, and heads up further into Hollywood. This is where my favorite scenes in the movie occur, and I hope you all will have fun with them too. We see a mega mansion, with the letters B and M on a gate out front. The group heads into the house. Once inside, Tallahassee reveals that they are in the Mansion de Murray, also known as, the house of Bill Murray. Little Rock doesn’t know who he is, and Tallahassee considers hitting her. He says it’s like not knowing Gandhi, who she doesn’t know either. The group splits into pairs after once again not finding any Twinkies. Wichita and Tallahassee begin to explore, as Little Rock and Columbus do the same. Little Rock and Columbus find a whole movie theater in the house. Columbus gets excited, and in awe, tells her that he’s going to teach her a little something about Bill Murray. We see Wichita and Tallahassee find the bed of the king, which Wichita immediately gets dibs on. Tallahassee, being himself, says that it’s too soft for him anyway. We cut back to Columbus and Little Rock, where we see Ghostbusters playing on the big screen in the theatre. (Check out the October Horror Fest Week 1 Special to learn more about Bill Murray in Ghostbusters, and my love of the movie!!!) Columbus is ecstatic about showing Little Rock the movie. Back with Wichita and Tallahassee, we see a zombie awake, and start walking through the house. Wichita and Tallahassee dance to the Ghostbusters theme, as the zombie enters the room…

The Zombie Bill Murray walks up to Tallahassee, growling and snarling. This is until Witchita hits him, and he yells out in pain. Yes, Bill Murray isn’t a zombie, and was just playing a joke on the pair in classic Murray fashion. Tallahassee begins singing his praises, telling him that he’s his hero. Bill Murray uses his costume to blend in with the crowd of zombies. Bill, Wichita, and Tallahassee begin having fun in his house. Tallahassee and Bill Murray reenact a scene of Ghostbusters, Tallahassee being Pete Venkman (Murray’s character) while he wears a full Ghostbusters costume with a proton pack. Bill Murray plays Ray Stantz, and uses a vacuum as a proton back. They both play with the packs as Witchita imitates Janine from the movie.

We cut back to Columbus and Little Rock, now far into watching Ghostbusters. He asks her if Witchita is single, which she confirms that she is. He then asks for her type, which Little Rock says is bad boys. Columbus, on hearing this, flings his tray of popcorn on the floor. Tallahassee and Wichita tell Bill that Columbus is the scared one, and he puts back on his Zombie costume and goes to get him. Walking into the Theatre, he does indeed scare Columbus. However, in truly the most devastating moment of the film, Columbus shoots Bill Murray, believing that he was truly a zombie. Bill falls back into his chair, and Colubmus profusely apologizes. Bill dies, and sadness covers the room. Witchita, however, laughs, as Bill Murray always made her laugh.

After the death of the king, the group began to play Monopoly with real money due to Bill’s fortune. Tallahassee then begins to cry, talking about his puppy. How he even got his laugh. Hearing the word laugh causes Columbus to finally understand. His puppy was his son. His young son was killed by the zombies, and Talllahase shows pictures of him to Columbus. The next morning, Little Rock and Tallahassee shoot shotguns at glasses in Bill’s house. We then cut back to Columbus and Wichita, drinking and talking about their pasts. Columbus says how he was humiliated at the 8th grade dance, and Witchita tells about her first kiss with Scotty Lynch. Witchita then stands after saying his humiliation at the 8th grade dance was unacceptable, and offers her hand to Columbus, promising that Scotty is old news. The two then begin to dance, getting closer and closer. Wichita then says that he’s cute, and their heads get closer and closer. Before they kiss, Tallahassee enters, asking for help moving a couch. Wichita then says it’s probably for the best. She does like Columbus, but she has to trust herself. The next morning, Wichita is once again gone, having stolen the car. Her and Little Rock talk, and Witchita says he can’t believe she almost kissed Columbus. It’s only her and Little Rock. The pair then finally arrive at Pacific Playland. In joy, the pair drive in. Back with our boys, Tallahassee says to Columbus he’s going to Mexico to find Twinkies, and Columbus gets on a motorcycle to go find Wichita, as he can’t be without her. Back with Witchita and Little Rock, they light up the park, and go on rides. This, of course, alerts all zombies in the area that the pair are there, and they run to the gates of Pacific Playland.

The zombies reach the park, and the girls run. They get onto a ride that launches them into the sky, and hop on to escape the zombies. Columbus then finally takes off in his motorcycle, barely making it five feet before crashing. Tallahassee then takes the hand of his newfound friend, and they head towards Pacific Playland. Once they arrive, the guys finally believe that the girls may actually need their help this time, and they drive into the park. On the ride, Little Rock shoots the control box, and the girls stay in the air, away from zombies. They see the guys drive in, and Columbus finds the crashed car of the girls. In shock, he begins to feel destroyed. This is until Witchita and Little Rock shout to him, and our two guys begin the fight. Tallahassee screams into the air and blows an air horn to distract the zombies, as Columbus makes a break to the girl he loves. Tallahassee, being the awesome guy he is, starts riding the rides while shooting at the undead. Columbus, in an intense scene, goes into a haunted house to deal with the Zombies. With intense music playing, Tallahassee makes his final stand in a shack, laying down magazines and closing the windows, as he shoots his pistols at the horde. After much, much shooting, we pan back to Tallahassee. The horde has been killed, and he spins his guns on his fingers. Columbus makes a break for the girls, only to be stopped by his worst nightmare. 

A clown. A zombified, massive clown stands before him right before he can make it to the girl he loves. Columbus finally faces his fear, and realizes that some rules are meant to be broken. Columbus breaks Rule #17, and instead of not being a hero, he becomes one. He grabs a sledgehammer, and kills the zombified clown. He then adjusts the control box, and the girls come back down to the ground. They are both ok, and Witchita throws herself into his arms. Whispering in his ear, she gives him her real name. Krista. Columbus finally brushes her hair behind her ear, and the pair kiss. Little Rock is disgusted, but Tallahassee is proud of his scrawny, annoying little friend on reaching first base. Before they leave, Tallahassee sees a sign for fried twinkies, and runs in. After hearing a sound from the backroom, which turned out to just be a rat, Columbus fires. Once the pair walk in, they realize that Columbus fired into the last box of Twinkies, making all of them uneatable. We hear a car start up and drive away outside. In fear, Columbus yells no, and walks out to see the girls stopping the car. In that moment, Columbus realizes that these people have finally become what he never had. A family. Little Rock then throws a Twinkie to Tallahassee. In a joy that cannot be named, Tallahassee savored his sweet, golden log of cream, the pair finally had hope. Without any family, Columbus says, everyone really is just a zombie. Columbus, as the group drives off, hits us with just a bit more. He says to always remember Cardio, Seatbelts, and although it really doesn’t relate to anything, sunscreen can never hurt. He signs off, and the group drives away from the park.

I hope you all enjoyed Zombieland! I was not expecting this review to be this long AT ALL, but I’m glad I was able to truly appreciate this movie here. Also, thank you all for not leaving when I geeked out about Ghostbusters. Before I go, just ask yourself this. If the Zombie Apocalypse struck tomorrow, would you survive…?