Do not fret for our future

Do not fret if I am to find someone new 

Who’s as interesting as you 

because you will be the one that i chose

Do not fret for the time we must spend apart

For I will love with my whole heart 

The songs that repeat for us where we had started

From the moments we had before we departed

They passed like seconds

The moments and patches of all I remember

The time we had been together 

Rather than the time that we had been severed

Do not fret for my memory

Do not fret for my state of mind 

because the second we lock eyes i see clear blue skies 

flooded with dew drop sized rain falling perfectly on my head 

enough to drip but not too wet

To see the puddles on the ground but the drizzle in the clouds 

Too heavy to carry their condensed water made crown 

A car door open on a suburban street 

And us with no shoes while it drizzles and lightly rains

Dancing to our music and the laughs we used to make

When I am to describe what I envision that is what i see

A picture perfect sky and hair damp from the heat

Falling into spring and the showers of May or June 

As summer approaches humming our tune

Oh love of mine how someday you will die

But I’ll be close behind

I’ll follow you into the dark

Death Cab For Cutie blasts through the door speakers 

And we shiver and whimper at our scraped, and bare feet

Suburbia never looked so much like home than with you

I can see everything

I can picture everything

I see us in our 20s dancing in the rain

The minor chords and how they sway

Oh how I beg for the days

To speed up 

but not too much to where the song seems to end before we are finished

That our dance is to the death

That our souls are tangled and one

That I am not your other half

That we are not each other’s halves

Or that together we are somehow whole

But we are complemented

By the feeling that every time it rains

I call out your name

and I will run down the hall to 

Only to rush down the stairs

And out the front door 

Grabbing the keys to the car

With my feet still bare

Slow but hurried down the streets

Through back ways of the suburbs avoiding major sleet

When I would be able to drive confidently enough to go that far

And prop up in my seat as I park 

Leaving the driver door ajar on your street blasting 

Our music 

all through the air 

hopefully just loud enough to wake you up from here

Because I would drop everything and call out your name

To make you wake 

So i could see your face 

our lives and fates intertwined as we run away

And make our own way 

Our own path 

our own home

With chords

Melodies

Memories

Slightly solemn from the puddles to which we had walked in

Slightly mummified from the time we had shared since

I haven’t seen you 

All of you

I only see half

I don’t see the freckles,

The lines, 

Or the dimples 

The way your face scrunches as you laugh 

And when you must depart 

I look into your eyes and try to find the trust once lost as I try to heal from your lies but I don’t feel good enough or perceptive enough to tell if when you say I love you you are speaking only the truth I know you don’t want to hurt me but the point becomes moot when I am left crying from your lying

 we can love from afar if we need

And know that every time it rains I know you will think of me

While I think of you

Running down the stairs again at midnights blinding sight where the moon is full and bright you are close enough to share the moon but if physical distance was our only persistence I’d run miles to see you

I would hitch a ride on the back of a train while singing our songs and passing time coming up with lines you’d just call cliche 

In the outfits I feel comfortable in but you complain they all look the same

You like me but I don’t like me

I don’t like my shape or my size

My laugh,

My cry,

My voice, 

I only love my words

But seeing as my words are what make me me I can say that I love myself calmly

Because I can write line for line 

Everything I feel

With my tongue skilled enough

From injuries just half healed

I am the hair on my mother’s head

And the tint in my fathers cheeks 

I am the king that sleeps inside my bed

That calms your storms

That makes me dread

For nights to go faster and days to never end

I feel endless

We feel endless

When I am to think I am never not thinking of you

And the plans for my future only prove the things I wish to say to you

What I want and what I envision 

and though it sounds very repetitive 

My cliche words and how they fall but I had fallen before my words

You had fallen before me 

And though I saw you lying on the floor

I never envisioned you lying to me because you caught me when I fell

And my life feels complete because you are the one thing I wanted in my life

A love to last through throughout this life 

and how ever many more are next

My heart is filled with puddles

But my mind is filled with shoes

“Put them on and run” it says

But my eyes cry tears of blue when I am confused 

Because you love me and I love you but we are in a duel

With fate and social rules

Where they have to like me before you do

And if they disapprove 

They send you far far away to a place you cannot stay 

A place where boys will walk in and out of frame

I want to stay

I want to stay 

I want to stay 

You pushed me away and for what

The voice inside me head tells me that you are draining the puddles in my heart

That you only talk enough to keep my mind from running wild

But my heart is still waiting for a day to sit idle 

I deserve safety

I deserve love

I want to talk I don’t want to run

I never wanted to run

I don’t want to 

But the voice just comes back up

I wish for rain

I wish for you

I wish for the Queen of clubs

With my hearted king in hand

For times we don’t have to weep

For us to have a plan 

To be a family that is all I want and ask

I am distracted by your presence in my mind from thinking about you all the time

I wish to write more lines but I’m running out of time 

How am I to take the leap and do what I need to do without having the stability you bring into my life 

The help you give by just being present to quell my dreams and absent driver on my train of thought that I jumped on thinking it would take me back to you but the train never stops 

It never stops 

it never