Prom is the third most magical time of year, after Flag Day and my birthday (respectively). To juniors: it’s a right of passage. It’s a time where you can be surrounded by all of your friends and let go of the stress that has been building up since your first

SAT class. To seniors: it’s an excuse to go freaking insane at Wildwood. Don’t get me wrong, you don’t need a date to have fun at prom. But if you have that special guy or gal that gives you goosebumps– the good kind, not the R. L. Stein kind– then prom-pose! Here are some of Jonny’s Declassified School Survival Guide tips to the perfect prom-posal:

•  Times are changing. Our society doesn’t need to create a Sadie Hawkins (fun fact: a Sadie Hawkins Dance was named after Steven Hawking’s grandmother)¹ dance for the girl to ask the guy. Girls, you have the power! [*cue montage of Hilary Clinton chest bumping Michelle Obama with “Pocket Full of Sunshine” playing in the background*]. Contrary to popular belief (that makes me sound so professional!) guys can

  

  be sensitive about rejection, especially around prom season. Sometimes the girl has to make the first move, or maybe even all of the moves, when it comes to this time of year. Ladies, don’t be afraid to ask whoever you want to prom! Unless they’re a freshman. DO NOT BRING A FRESHMAN TO PROM UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE.

• Treat prom season like hunting season. By this I am not advocating the stalking and eventual slaughter of your possible high school sweetheart. (I don’t even get why people hunt. First off, cabins are so sketchy! When has anything good ever happened in the middle of the woods? Have they ever even seen Bambi!?) Anyways, the point I am attempting–but failing– to make here is that if you don’t act quickly, there is a possibility that somebody else will scoop up your date. It is also not a selfish thing to keep a backup in mind, but it is selfish if you think of them as a backup! People should not be treated like they were second choice. If you first choice gets taken before you have a chance, make that “number two” your number one.

  

  Prom will not end like Carrie. If you don’t understand what I mean, then you need to watch the 2013 reboot of Carrie with Chloe-Grace Moretz; it’s awesome. Anyways, if you’re afraid of dancing publicly or don’t want to go alone, remember that the school –and your social life– will not go up in flames! First off, NOBODY EVER GOES TO PROM ALONE. Everybody has each other, and as cliché and as High School Musical 1-3 as that sounds, it’s true. Your friends are there, coupled or not, and you should be too! Plus, if you go with a prom date, you shouldn’t be glued to that person the whole night. Hang out with everyone; don’t be a selfish Sally (Langston). (Sorry about that unfortunate pun/Scandal reference.) And if you can’t dance, I guess you should cut off your legs and donate them to Legs-R-Us where they can be recycled for the greater good. People, we have months before prom! Just practice the “Waka Waka Zumba” dance by Shakira for hours each day, and you’ll be ready to get low on the dance floor.

• “Ignition” just came on my Pandora just now, but that has absolutely nothing to do with any of this. Anyways, your ask

  

  doesn’t have to be intense. You don’t have to hire a guy dressed like cupid to shoot your girl in the arm and give her a band-aid that says “PROM?” on it. A simple bouquet of flowers and a cute stuffed animal will do more than suffice. Proving that you care doesn’t come in dollar signs (except on birthdays)! Don’t feel obligated to hire a sky-writer or Mariah Carey to sing “All I want to Dance with at Prom is You.” Often, a simple ask can do wonders. Make sure it’s genuine and sincere.

• The Prom-posal can be big if you want it to be, but I recommend only going big if there is a pre-conceived chance she/he will say yes. Even then, going big isn’t necessary. Even if she likes you back, you may scare her away with a crazy attempt. People mostly do extreme asks to impress everyone and get other people

  

  talking, especially their friends. Askers often forget that the one and only person they need to impress is the person they ask, not everyone else in the room. Go big or go home doesn’t really apply here, as going too big may leave you with a date with Ben, Jerry, and your couch on prom night. I heard a story about a guy named Gary in Wisconsin who snuck into a girl’s house to ask her when her parents were on vacation and waited in her bedroom. Thinking he was super sly, cool, and romantic, she came home, heard someone upstairs, and called 9-1-1. Moral of the story: she’ll say no if you break into her house. Sorry fellas. Just do something they won’t forget (but don’t scar them for life). Unless they’re way into that.

• Here’s a rule: if you haven’t talked to the person in at least a month, then it’d be creepy to ask. Sorry, it’s the truth.
• Here’s another rule: if you’re in a relationship YOU STILL NEED TO ASK! Don’t assume that you’re just going together, because that’s stupid! Don’t be stupid.
• Recruit their friends and yours too! Create a quartet and serenade her. Or, get a bunch of your girl friends to set up a

  

  scavenger hunt (with the final clue leading to your heart <3). Everyone, including teachers at FTHS, will be willing to help you pull something off. Ask a teacher to put the ask in their powerpoint and walk in with a bouquet of flowers. Or, create a fake lock-down, kidnap her, and halfway to Mexico take off your ski-mask and ask. #romance.

• Here are some ideas, most of which I made up because I think I’m kinda funny:

-Get a tattoo of her face and write prom where her teeth should be.

– Make a fortune-teller box toy from 5th grade and make all the answers “Yes.”

-Hire Kanye to sing “Only One” at the place you first met. So simple, yet affordable!

-Go buy a Left-Shark outfit online and write on a poster: “I couldn’t dance at the SuperBowl, so I hope you’ll show me how on the dance floor at prom.”

-Give them money

-Say I’ll give you 500 doll-hairs (but make it sound like dollars). After the dance, give

them 500 pieces of doll hair and wink.

-Shave their name into your head.

-Text Beyonce to sing “Pretty Hurts” or “XO” as you slow-motion walk on the beach.

-Buy them a horse

-Buy them two horses

-Buy them the first 6 seasons of Full House. On the episode where Jesse and the Rippers break up, edit the footage to go to a pre-recorded video of you saying “I never would break up with you.”

-Convince Kesha to put the $ back in her name.

Pictured in this article are a few prom-posals from juniors and seniors at FTHS posted here without their permission! But don’t steal their

ideas. Be unique, creative, and confident, and I’m sure you’ll be in for that 3 letter answer: Y-E-S ;). Or B-Y-E… nah I’m sure they’ll say yes!

¹ that was a lie